The end of last year I started writing a post, however, twice, I was unhappy with the content and intent of what I'd written. I'd hoped to have returned to finish the post yet found my thoughts changing away from the original expression. I considered publishing it regardless but the thought of stating my dissatisfaction with the subsequent garble of unfinished thoughts irritated me. As such I've removed that draft and am moving on.
Though I'm now uncertain as to what I would like to write about. A common problem.
So, I think I'll just write what comes to mind.
Thinking back over the last couple months, I've been feeling a lot better. I'm not sure of which more concise words to use to describe these feelings. I've definitely been feeling calmer, more confident, happier, and more content. My mind has been a lot less jumbled, with less 'fog', and overall feels cleaner and works better. I still go through ups and downs, generally related to motivation, but they aren't as deep or long lasting - it's easier to manage them as well.
I haven't felt as strong a need to be constantly playing video games for the sake of playing them which also means I've been doing a larger variety of alternate activities, especially socialising. I haven't been relying on lists to remember what needs to be done or when, and have found it easier, enjoyable even, to go shopping for longer periods of time.
Just last week I took the canvas painting to get framed. Only taken just over 5 years to do.
There was a period of time where I started settling back into old habits. After I became concerned about this I found what was happening after to be strange.
Those habits began to shift away into newer habits and attitudes in a way that has required much less effort from me overall. This used to be something that I'd have to put in a lot energy to start changing, and even then maintaining that change was even harder. I do still have some trouble getting to bed earlier and more consistently, so that's something I still need to work on. I plan to speak to my psychiatrist about getting melatonin combined with the dex to help with that.
I'm back to uni next week, in 3 days, and I'm a bit nervous. A lot of that feeling has to do with not feeling like I've done enough of the aims I'd set out at the start of the uni break. It's likely that those aims involved the completion of those aims, but even then there are a few that I didn't even start on, let alone get halfway through. So, I dunno.
Well, that's all I feel like writing.
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