Recent thoughts and feelings

In the passing month I've found myself feeling rather lonely and empty. Dissatisfied. Hopeless. Unmotivated.

Ironically there are moments where I'm hopeful, grateful, looking to the future and content with myself and situation despite not having what I would like. 

One thing I've found is that I've been yearning for a partner and a handful of good friends. Kids even.

    In that regard its been hard to stay positive.

    Often I feel like I missed the whole dating memo, though with all the moving I did that's probably not        entirely inaccurate. I feel like when everyone else was making relationships, learning how to date, have     families and a professional role within society ... I was still trying to form an understanding of the world     that made sense and a sense of identity. I felt behind everyone else and partially like an alien. 

How do I even make friendships or find relatable things when it's difficult to find relateable topics or             discussion; even people who travelled a lot don't quite understand. OK it's not quite 'that' bad but how         do you relate to someone who grew up in one place compared to someone who'd already lived in 3             countries, 8 homes and attended 8 schools by the time they were 14.

Without going into all the different ideologies and attitudes I phased through, after a while it became clear     to me that I thought and perceived things differently. Perhaps not drastically different but noticeably so     and not in an easily explainable way, so I wouldn't talk much about it anymore.

I kept moving. I joined the military. I'm attending university.

Whilst I feel more at ease in the university setting, most students are much younger than me and the ones     closer to my age tend to be those in teaching positions.

So, coming back to dating.

It seems that nobody seems interested. If they are, I feel like I'm struggling to maintain an interest or             worse I feel like I'm not seen as relationship material. Similar situation for both dating apps and                 meeting people in person. The trend seems to be: They're in a relationship, they're much younger than         me, they're married, they're the same age but looking for something else, or they're not interested. 

I'm finding it difficult to believe that anyone will be interested in me. Who was the last person interested        in me, and how long ago?

Like what do I have to offer?
I think that touches on the main issues I feel.

10th Feb 2022